Cheers to the end of the week, errybody! Last week was excellent, and I wondered if we could top it. Low and behold, we did.
“I took the kids for a hike, and then we came home and baked chocolate chip cookies. I even let them add the ingredients and take turns stirring the batter without freaking out over the giant mess they were making.”
“I was so tired of hearing my kids fight that I told them we were going for a walk in the rain. We put on our rain boots and grabbed some umbrellas. They ran, jumped in puddles, and didn’t fight the whole time. When we got home, they played nicely while I made dinner.”
“I woke up before my kids, took a shower, drank coffee, and read my book. I haven’t been able to do that in years.”
“My daughter came home from school and told me this story: ‘This boy told me I couldn’t like spiders because I was a girl and girls are scared of spiders. So I told him, “No. I’m a girl and I’m not afraid of anything.” He shrugged his shoulders and said, “Oh ok.’” I’ve never been more proud.”
“All four of my kids were dressed, fed, and out the door ON TIME four out of five days this week.”
“My son slept through the night! Which means I slept through the night! Which means I don’t hate people.”
“Our kids usually go to bed at 7:00, but some nights it’s hell getting our 4 year old to go to bed. He asks for water, another book, another song, more prayers, everything. So lately, after we put his sister to bed, we’ve been letting him stay up 30 extra minutes and we all play a game together. We give him extra attention and it’s just the three of us. There’s been such a difference in his behavior not only when it’s time to go to bed, but even during the day.”
“I got in a screaming match my three year old, while her infant brother watched. Then I let her cry herself to sleep while I rocked in the fetal position in the corner dreaming of the beer I would be drinking that night.”
“My kids do a lot of activities. Gymnastics, soccer, swimming, football, basketball, you get the picture. Since I basically live in my car, my drives become very routine. On Monday I went to pick up my middle child from the gym. Most of the time my youngest (5 years old) is home with her big brother, but he was at practice so she was with me. We went early to watch. She immediately took my phone to the back of the waiting area to watch a movie, and I didn’t hear from her for 20-25 minutes. Afterwards, my middle child and I were driving home deep in conversation when it hit me. I FREAKING left my daughter at the gym. It was the longest drive of my life, and I was literally shaking as I turned the car around. I grabbed for my phone to call another parent and then realized she had it. When I got there, she was completely fine and totally unfazed, but it was the most stressful 10 minutes of my life.”
“My kids had cereal for breakfast and cereal for dinner. And not ‘good’ cereal. The cereal with all the colors and fake crap. I had wine and a banana. It was just one of those days.”
“So we were playing ‘What does the cow say?’ ‘What does the pig say?’ My two year old is pretty good with the animals so then I said, ‘What does Daddy say?’ Her response: ‘I love you!’ Then I said, ‘What does Mommy say?’ Her response: ‘Ughhhh!!!!’ Made me feel real good.
“We had just put the kids to bed and we were downstairs in the living room. My husband and I started having sex, and honestly it had been a while. So we did our thing and as soon as we were done, we hear the softest little voice, ‘Mommy?’ We turn around and there is our three year old. My husband turns to me and whispers, ‘Fuck. What did he see?'”
“I sent my daughter’s teacher a text that was supposed to go to my best friend. They have really similar first names and the same last name. I’ve gotten them confused in the past, but usually catch it right away. This is how the text went down:
Me: Hey dirty ho
Teacher: Haha, how’s it going?
**I should have known then that it wasn’t my friend, but so much was going on that I just didn’t even stop to think. Also, my daughter’s teacher is young and pretty cool so looking back I’m not surprised that she tried to laugh it off. Anyway, it gets worse because I continued with:
Me: Wanna come over and get shitty with me once these damn kids go to bed?
Teacher: Did you mean to text this to me?
Me: oh shit oh shit oh shit
“My son was yelling at me, so then I started yelling, ‘Stop yelling at me!!!!!’ It wasn’t a great moment.”
“So those cookies we made (see above), I ate most of them over the span of like 2 days. Then I blamed my children for eating them so my husband wouldn’t know that I actually ate them. We’re on this diet and we’re trying to keep each other accountable. I almost feel bad, but those cookies were GOOD.”
“I have a bad back. Things tinge and twitch when I’m not expecting it. I was lying on the floor, both boys were crawling on me, and I was playing “Superman” with my 4 year old. All of a sudden, I felt this pain shoot down my back and I could barely move. So I just started saying, “Get off me! Get off me!” He didn’t move and instead was laughing at me, so then I tried saying it louder, “Listen to my words! My back is hurting! GET OFF ME!” He still didn’t move and was still laughing. My next instinct was to kick him off of me, which I did. He went flying, landed on his back and started bawling. It scared the baby and he started crying too. I just started yelling over their cries, “Why wouldn’t you get off me? Why wouldn’t you get off me???” It was bad.”
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