You know it’s been a fabulous week all around when I’m receiving waaaay more WORST moments than Best. I even tried to think of some of my own Best Moments, and nope! I had nothin’. So for those of you who sent me some “Bests,” (there were only three of them!), look for those next week. As for this week, well, here are our worst moments.
So I was changing the baby’s diaper. He just recently started laughing so I’m always trying to get him to laugh. His diaper was off and I was kissing his belly. I did make him laugh, but it also made him pee. On my face. And in my eye.
My 3 year old was sitting in time-out and kept crying, “I want Daddyyyyyy.” After about the 20th time I yelled back, “Well I wanna eat a pint of ice cream and still lose 10 pounds. But LIFE’S NOT FAIR.” The only words he understood in that mini rant were ‘eat’ and ‘ice cream,’ so naturally he started whining for ice cream.
I just stopped watching my children. Literally just checked out. I was on my phone reading some article, and I had no clue what was going on around me. When I finally came back to life, I saw my two year old eating the food that the baby had thrown on the floor, the baby had climbed half way up the stairs for the first time ever, and my oldest was at the top telling him to keep coming. I thought to myself, “Holy shit, what just happened?”
I let my child eat dog food with the dogs because I just didn’t want to deal with the meltdown.
I had made a vodka soda right before dinner, and it was sitting on the counter. My six year old grabbed a stool, climbed up to the counter and took a big ole sip. He immediately threw up. Many lessons learned.
I put my one year old on the bed and turned on a show while I tried to get ready. I went to get my toothbrush and came back just quick enough before he started to get antsy. He was ready to get off the bed (which he can usually do on his own, feet first). But today he decided to go head first. And even though I was standing right there I didn’t react fast enough and the top of his head hit the floor. He started crying immediately. I picked him up, he stopped crying, and he seemed ready to get down. When he started walking he was so wobbly and out of sorts. I could tell something wasn’t right. Then he started vomiting. Low and behold, we spent the afternoon in the ER and I was questioning if I was even qualified or prepared to watch my own child. Thank God for the nurse I talked to. She was kind, patient, and so reassuring.
Conversation with my 4 year old son:
“Mommy, why do you have a penis?”
“I don’t have a penis.”
“So you just have a bottom?”
I was really not feeling in the mood for this conversation so I just said, “Yep.”
So my daughter has this toy. It’s the worst toy ever. It’s always breaking, and it makes awful, annoying sounds. I’m always looking for the chance to throw it away. So, my daughter walked in the kitchen just as I was about to drop it in the trash can.
“Mommy! What are you doing?”
So I lied, “Oh whoops! I almost threw that away, didn’t I? Sorry!”
I figured I would try again after she went to bed, which I did. The next morning, she felt the need to check the trash can (something she never does), and there it was.
“Mommy! You did it again!”
And again, I lied: “Oh no! It must have slipped out of my hands when I was cleaning up!”
I think she’s on to me.
Now I’ll never be able to get rid of it.
I was 20 minutes late picking up my 3 year old from preschool. When I got there he was sitting on the floor by himself supposedly looking at a book, but I could tell he was actually sitting there watching the door. The look on his face was so pitiful I don’t even want to remember it. I apologized over and over to him and the teacher. He ran up to me and said in the saddest voice, “I thought you weren’t coming.” I reassured him that would never happen, and then I cried the whole way home.
I needed to poop. But the baby wouldn’t let me put him down. I was trying to find something to calm him down, but everything I tried just made it worse. I was dancing around trying to hold it in, but I had to go so badly. I couldn’t hold it anymore so I brought him in the bathroom with me. I sat him on the floor while I sat down on the toilet. Then I looked down at my underwear. A little poop had come out. The baby started reaching for my underwear, so I quickly picked him up and put him on my lap. So there I was, pooping, with a baby on my lap, and poop in my underwear.
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