I hate you, Mom Guilt.

I hate that you creep up and tell me that I’m not doing a good job. I hate that you make me look at other moms and compare myself to them, only to decide that they’re better than me. I hate that you tend to be best friends with my anxiety and depression, and that if those two are hanging around, you’re sure to be close behind. I hate that all the things I do so right will vanish in a second because I mess up. I hate that even if I don’t mess up and I’m just trying to be something other than “mom” you tell me that I’m selfish. I hate that your influence has the power to make me question if I love my kids enough, if my kids love me enough, or if I’m screwing them up altogether.

But, let me tell you something, Mom Guilt.

Yes, I have let my son play with the iPad in his room for two hours during quiet time. I’m still a good mom.

Yes, I have let weeks go by when I didn’t read one book to either one of my kids. I’m still a good mom.

Yes, I opted not to buy Valentine’s cards for my son’s preschool class. I’m still a good mom.

Yes, yelled at my children and told them to get out of my face. I’m still a good mom.

Yes, I have given my child Benadryl so he wouldn’t be scared to fall asleep in a new place. I’m still a good mom.

Yes, I have let my child stay in the room while I watched an inappropriate TV show . I’m still a good mom.

Yes, I have let my kids eat absolute junk for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I’m still a good mom.

Yes, I’ve popped open a bottle of wine at 3:00 on a Wednesday. I’m still a good mom.

Yes, I have used the TV to preoccupy my kids so I can have some peace. I’m still a good mom.

Yes, I have kept my kids up past midnight so my husband and I could have fun with our friends. I’m still a good mom.

Yes, I’ve said cuss words around my kids when I was angry. I’m still a good mom.

Yes, I’ve lied to my kids and said that I was sick so I didn’t have to play with them. I’m still a good mom.

Yes, I’ve regretted having kids before because of the intense changes that a woman has to go through. I’m still a good mom.

Yes, I have let my kids play on my phone at a restaurant so my husband and I could actually have a conversation. I’m still a good mom.

Yes, I’ve thought about running away to get some space when things got really hard. I’m still a good mom.

Yes, I have bribed my child with junk food. I’m still a good mom.

Yes, I have kept my kids inside on gorgeous summer days because I didn’t have the energy to get dressed and leave the house. I’m still a good mom.

Yes, I have kicked their toys across the room because I was tired of tripping over them. I’m still a good mom.

Yes, I have said to my husband and many girlfriends that I don’t like being around my kids all the time. I’m still a good mom.

Yes, I have listened to explicit songs while my kids played in the same room because it put me in a better mood. I’m still a good mom.

Yes, I have done those things.

But I won’t let you win, Mom Guilt. I won’t let you take away from me the fact that I have sacrificed my life, my body, and a lot of money to be a mom. I won’t let you take away that I’ve  stayed up all hours of the night rocking my babies to sleep when they were sick or scared. I won’t let you take away that I have loved them every second that they’ve been alive, and that I’ve comforted them when they needed me the most. I won’t let you take away that I’ve protected them from harm, guided them to make good choices, and showed them how to be kind. I won’t let you take away that for as many times as I have hit my breaking point, I have maintained my patience a whole lot more. I won’t let you take away the moments when I’ve risen to the occasion. I won’t let you take away that I’m a human being, and that even with all my faults I’m still a damn. good. mom.

…

Do you wrestle with that too? Then let me just say that I see you, and I understand how hard it can all be. But every day that you get up and keep going, you’re proving that Mom Guilt is bullshit, and it won’t win. You’re a superhero.

Ur a Mom Now.