I was having a pretty rough day. I was struggling a little bit emotionally, and a certain song brought it all to a head as the kids were eating dinner. My oldest watched me cry for a bit then jumped out of his chair, ran to me and hugged me. Then without saying a word, he ran into the living room and brought me one of his favorite toys. “Here, Mommy. Now you won’t be sad anymore.”
The baby had a fever and was exhausted and would not stop crying. I tried to put her down for a nap, but she just wouldn’t calm down. I knew she felt terrible. I went and got her and rocked her in her dark room and started singing to her. She stopped almost immediately. It was the sweetest thing. I rocked her for an hour until she finally fell asleep.
My oldest daughter was going to stay with her grandparents for the night and I noticed some of the things she had packed. Most of them made me laugh (sunglasses, stickers, a few figurines from her room, a coin, and this little silk pouch). But I’m not gonna lie, I cried a little when I noticed that she had packed a picture of us from when she was a baby.
My son came running into my room at 6:00 and got right up in my face.
Waking a little disoriented, I opened my eyes and just said, “Geez, buddy.”
Then in his sweetest voice he said, “I’ll try again, Mommy. Will you get up, please?”
How can you say no to that?
Widowhood is no joke. Especially during a week of milestones (my hubby’s birthday and our son’s birthday). I have managed to clean my house, go party grocery shopping, and I have started to bake the desserts for my son’s party on Saturday for 20+ attendees in our little 950 sq ft house. And I finally finished the 250+ thank you cards from the funeral. This week, albeit emotionally draining, has been a win.
I picked up my 4 year from preschool and he climbed in the car but refused to turn around and sit in his car seat so I could buckle him.
Me: Sit on your bottom, please.
Him: No, I don’t want to (and then started laughing, which is basically the worst).
Me: Right now. Sit down so I can buckle you.
Him: No. I’m gonna ride like this.
Me: Okay, fine. I won’t buckle you (I thought this would make him change his mind so he would start asking to be buckled).
I got super annoyed so I came back with:
Me: No, I have to buckle you. Because if you’re not buckled and a policeman sees, Mommy will get in a lot of trouble and I’ll have to go to jail. Then you won’t have a mommy (I regretted it right when I said it).
Him: You’re going to jail?
Me: I will if you’re not buckled.
He turned around and I buckled him.
About 5 minutes later he bursts into tears. “I don’t want you to go to jail. I want you to be my mommy!”
I had to go to the bathroom so badly, but right as I sat down on the toilet I noticed the baby was heading for the stairs. I jumped up and ran after him, but after having three babies, it’s nearly impossible to hold it once you’ve reached that point. So I peed all the way down the hall. Which means, not only have I had to clean up my son’s pee on the carpet, but I’ve also had to clean up my own.
My husband’s new boss was having a big family get-together at his house (which is huge and beautiful, by the way). My aunt has been in the hospital and my mom wanted to call me with an update. I went to find a quiet place to call her back. My 3-year old daughter was a little clingy so she wanted to come with me. I went into one of the guest rooms and closed the door. My daughter went into the attached bathroom. I thought she had to pee or something so I just let her be. The next thing I know there is a huge crash and my daughter starts screaming. I ran into the bathroom to see that she had been hanging on the towel rack that was attached to wall and she pulled down the whole damn thing. There were huge holes in the wall. I was so mortified when I had to go tell my husband’s boss (who I had just met that day) that my daughter had destroyed their bathroom.
My son was invited to a birthday party at the park for one of the little boys in his class. His mom had brought these cute balloons to put on the picnic table. I don’t know how it happened, but somehow my son detached the balloons from the weight and let them go. The little boy started crying and screaming, “My balloons!”
I went up to my son and asked him why he did that. He said, I sent them to Grams (Grams is my grandmother who died just a few months ago. At her funeral we had released balloons in her memory). It was hard not to smile a little bit, but the birthday boy was pretty pissed.
My almost 3-year old is big into Doc McStuffins, and loves going to the doctor because of it. When she found out her baby sister had a doctor’s appointment the other day, she immediately began telling me all of her ailments and the many reasons why she, too, needed to go to the doctor. She repeatedly told me, “Mommy, I don’t feel good! I need to go to the doctor.” I even texted her teacher to warn her that she’d be complaining all day, and to just ignore her because she was trying to get to the doctor with her sister. Well, when I picked her up she told me again she didn’t feel well. I kissed her forehead and she was burning up! Turns out she had a fever of 101.6. Sooo, I basically made her teacher ignore her complaints all day, while also infecting the other children. I was humiliated when I had to report back that she was, in fact, ill and may have infected the whole class. Mom of the year!
My son brings home a lot of artwork. And, I’m sorry, but some of it is just not worth keeping. So I usually pick out my favorite, display it on the fridge, and throw away the rest. He saw his masterpiece on the fridge and then asked, “Where’s the rest of it?”
“I put it in a special box with all your other artwork.”
“I want to see it.”
“Well, it’s packed away in the basement.”
“There’s a picture of me and you in there. I want to show you.”
“Ok, I’ll go see if I can find it in a bit.”
“No, I want it now!”
(At this point I’m just thinking, holy shit, I threw it away and now I’ve lied to him and he’s not going to let this go!)
So the best solution I had was, “Ok, ok. But guess what? I got you something special too. Here. Have a cookie. I gave him the whole box, hoping he would stop asking me about it, which he did. I felt terrible, though, that I had thrown away this picture that was of him and me.
Sometimes I talk shit to my kids’ toys when they’re not around. It’s a fun game I like to play to release my frustration of cleaning up their toys so much. After the kids were in bed, I was picking up the living room. We have this Thomas the Train book with all these buttons. It’s really loud and really annoying. I picked it up and hit one of the buttons (the most annoying one of course). I said out loud, “Shut the fuck up, Thomas, you little shit.” My 7 year old daughter just happened to come down the stairs and was standing in the kitchen. “Mommy! Those are bad words!”
My five year old told her teacher that I drink beer every day for lunch. Sometimes two beers. Clearly concerned, the teacher pulled me aside and asked if everything was okay. Then she mentioned what my daughter told her. “Oh my gosh, that’s not beer! It’s La Croix!” I was so embarrassed.
Wanna read more Best & Worst Parenting Moments? Check out other hilarious posts from previous weeks!
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